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12 Aug 2010, 9.00AM
Filial Piety

At the recent National Family Celebrations, Prime Minister Lee Hsien Loong noted that the basic tenets that make up a strong family – love, respect and filial piety – remained deeply entrenched and that it was important to keep family ties strong. The Ministry of Community Development, Youth and Sports (MCYS) has also launched a new campaign on filial piety with the tagline “How one generation loves, the next generation learns”.

REACH’s platforms have since seen passionate discussion on family values and how to strengthen family bonds.

While contributors generally agree on the importance of family, one contributor notes that there should be no necessity for MCYS to initiate a campaign promoting filial piety, as these values should be an intrinsic part of our Asian culture and heritage. Another contributor highlights that the concept of filial piety has degenerated to become duties and responsibilities, void of feelings. He reminds Singaporeans to treat parents with gratitude and love. Others feel that filial piety is subjective and lies in the eyes of the beholder. Contributors agree that there is no measure for filial piety and that Singaporeans should follow their hearts in these matters.

Contributors also spoke on how the practicalities of daily living impacts on how families value and care for each other. In this regard, some contributors feel that the high cost of living in Singapore makes it difficult for those with their own families to financially care for elderly parents. Several contributors shared their personal struggles in this regard, and urged for more help to be given to lower the cost of living in Singapore.

Others, however point out that filial piety is not limited to material well-being, and that contributors should look beyond this to also show love to, and cherish their elders. In this regard, they note that financial well-being should not be an obstacle to practising filial care and piety. They urge Singaporeans to set aside more time to spend with their families to strengthen their family bonds and kinship.

They also surfaced the issue of work-life balance, with contributors pointing out that our ‘kiasu’ social culture has resulted in Singaporeans’ spending more time on work, and less time on their families. They feel the long working hours in Singapore goes against promoting family bonding. Contributors also call for society to provide the necessary support for Singaporeans to care for parents without being disadvantage during job interviews, work performance appraisals and corporate downsizing.

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25
 comments & replies
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Guest
Guest
2 Dec 2010, 10.00PM
I love my parents very much and would love to accompany them often, to give them more money and to be with them more. I am fully aware of all the woes they had been through and the poverty we had struggled through too.

But given my long working hours and the need to struggle with the countless bills from my own family, I can't cope with giving money even monthly to my parents nor have time to accompany them or my own family.  

So, I have to console myself, that taking good care of my health, appearing to be happy in front of them no matter how stressed I am, will be a way of showing filial piety to them without monetary means.
Guest
Guest
17 Nov 2010, 2.01AM

LOL!  Singlish speaking, got money got friends, got money also got filial piety!  That's what I was taught when I was young.  However, nothing ventured nothing gained.  Reminder to all younger parents: don't expect your children to possess genuine filial affection towards you in your later life when you have not nurtured and guided them at home in the very first place  -  have often depended on school teachers to guide them throughout their entire school life.  Education begins at home, neither at school nor at work.

Guest
Guest
17 Nov 2010, 2.01AM

LOL! 

Truly  and seriously Singlish speaking,  got money got friends,   got money also got filial piety!  That's what I was taught when I was young.  However, nothing ventured nothing gained.  Reminder to all younger parents: don't expect your children to possess genuine filial affection towards you in your later life when you have not nurtured and guided them at home in the very first place  -  have often depended on school teachers to guide them throughout their entire school life.  Education begins at home, neither at school nor at work.

Guest
Guest
17 Nov 2010, 2.01AM

LOL!  Singlish speaking, got money got friends,   got money also got filial piety!  That's what I was taught when I was young.  However, nothing ventured nothing gained.  Reminder to all younger parents: don't expect your children to possess genuine filial affection towards you in your later life when you have not nurtured and guided them at home in the very first place  -  have often depended on school teachers to guide them throughout their entire school life.  Education begins at home, neither at school nor at work.

Guest
Guest
23 Sep 2010, 2.03PM
more initiatives from govt should be introduced e.g. parent care leave, medical fees paid for parent should be able to deduct taxable income, elderly care allowance.
Guest
Guest
21 Oct 2010, 11.33PM
Tax Relief for low income earners are redundant.  They earn the minimum & are never liable for tax!!! Just like the existing Parent Tax Relief (PTR) for parents with young children.
Guest
Guest
23 Sep 2010, 5.09AM
Its  so easy for MPs in power to dictate some social ideology.

what happens when a man who did nothing more than look after his family lose his children , even access, to his ex wife on a technicality, because his lawyer was not good enough.

Does it mean that Singapore men should beware of getting married, and avoid potential humiliation in event of nefarious petitions from their potential ex wives with the help of an indifferent family court judiciary ???????????
Guest
Guest
23 Sep 2010, 5.09AM
Its  so easy for MPs in power to dictate some social ideology.

what happens when a man who did nothing more than look after his family lose his children , even access, to his ex wife on a technicality, because his lawyer was not good enough.

Does it mean that Singapore men should beware of getting married, and avoid potential humiliation in event of nefarious petitions from their potential ex wives with the help of an indifferent family court judiciary ???????????
Guest
Guest
21 Sep 2010, 3.37PM
In general this is good, however, there are a few points to note.

1.    What if the parents have not been good parents in the first place and have not taken care of the children and has been irresponsible parents.  Would the children then be forced to take care of them?

2.    In addition, our tax relief for parents is pathetic, I believe the tax relief given should be much more for dependent parents.  I for example has to pay for my parents' housing, expenses, medical expenses and in my case, my Dad was not entirely responsible as a parent and not played a major role in raising me (rather my Mom and Grandparents did that).  Despite that, I still support him and his medical condition is really bad (he's got heart disease and is also required to undergo dialysis due to kidney failure).  I have to pay for all of that and my tax relief is a paltry 5K (I think) a year.  All of these amount to >50K a year and yet, the government just seems to want to tax people and increase salaries and not look at easing the load on the citizens.

3.    Why should necessities like rice and medical treatment be subject to GST?  Shouldn't we limit GST to luxury items and not basic necessities?  Is this just another way for getting more tax revenue?
Guest
Guest
5 Oct 2010, 6.11PM
As a responsible adult, we do need to take care of our parents.  It has nothing to do with whether our parents deserved it.  Of course, we can 'tailor' how we care for our parents in accordance with how they cared for us.  If all they did was to feed us, then we should probably only do that - feed them.  Anything more may be uncomfortable to them.  If they are the types that spend large amounts of time with us as well, we should reciprocate in like manner.  Some parents have a problem with being close to family, in much the same way some people enjoy being alone.  We cannot expect everyone to behave in like manner.

If you have a problem with your parent, by all means just make sure he is fed and nothing else.  But if you let other people feed him (through our government agencies), you are one sorry excuse of an ass.  But if you hate handing over some money to him, you may tell him so and then show him proof that you are giving to Community Chest monthly what you would have given him if he is a admirable father.  Then you are above reproach.  But if you deny him money with some excuses, and then use that money on yourself, well, what can I say except that "like father, like son".
Guest
Guest
11 Sep 2010, 2.19AM
Do you know how much it costs to be filial piety in Singapore? I need to pay for the car park and get fine if time is exceeded or get summon to court when forgot to pay fine!!!! I am absent minded and always forget about my parking time when visiting parents and relatives. As such, I would rather stay at home alone and not going anywhere.

Talking about work life balance, the government should foster such approach and be the role model for private companies first. My company will sack me if I don't work or performance to what they want. I work more than 10 hours a day and have no time for my parents or have children.
Guest
Guest
11 Sep 2010, 9.50AM
Do you know how much it costs to be filial piety in Singapore????????????

well, perhaps, filial can start from national level . .. by starting being filial to our senior.by treating them as parent of our country........we all no to be filial mean cost involves......since it involves cost ..as national level, why not give them some allowance every month, perhaps not much .$200,,

alternatively....we can also release their CPF in installment ,,maybe in terms of 20 years installment....allow them to withdraw their CPF in Installment depending on heir saving......in such ,the children will not have problem in giving them money every month , if they do not have enough .

in such our senior will not be a burden to their children... i am not sure it work.....however, i think we can affor in national level
Guest
Guest
5 Oct 2010, 6.26PM
If you are my son, I the very chialat.  Try to cheat on coupons then blame the government.  Then use that as an excuse for not visiting.  Your father should have forgotten to feed you when you were one.  Milk very expensive what!  So leave baby crying alone and not going to the supermarket to buy milk.
Guest
Guest
1 Sep 2010, 11.32AM

Dear Singaporeans,

I wish that everyone can be more filial to your parents. I have realized the trend that this generation, couples do not want to live with their parents. This is because, a new partner joining to a new family, they have to adapt to their new parents. However, I strongly suggest that we should really have a thought for your parents and in-law parents who bring you up, they had showered you with love and money.

I am really very pity for those 70 to 80 years old staying alone in their own home. Suffering the loneliness as one partner had already been in heaven. Have you ever thought, they would one day die alone without anyone knowing at all? It will be even horrifying to see them die alone and decompose for about three to ten days, after their neighbour call for the Police for the foul smell coming out the unit? It was a really a saddening case to know, but this is really happening.  Decompose body is horrifying, the smell, the black harden body and all the worms, maggots and flies all over your dead body. Will you be worry if one day it happens to be you? How would you feel?

Your parents may wish to stay with you to see you have your own children. But they end up staying at their own HDB with a maid that you pay for. How happy can they be?

I wish through REACH platform can pass this simple message to all Singaporeans, as we are one big family regardless of race. I hope filial information can be publishing in newspaper, so everyone can know the important of this issue. Get the fact that one day, we will grow old. I also wish if I have children, they will take care for me. Now think of those who are single and not married, divorce and end up living alone.

I now realized the importance of saving.

I am happy that the government is getting this message and I think it was really important. I hope that MCYS can have more active participation, worldwide in Singapore:

1) Filial education

2) Filial video / commercial show in TV, MOVIE, ADVERTISMENT, FACEBOOK.

3) Filial Campaigns

4) Newspapers publications

I really hope this message can reach out to all Singaporeans, to let them know how I feel. I felt that they should been told of what worst can be happen to face the reality so that they can understand the importance of filial pity for our generation and future generation.

Guest
Guest
7 Sep 2010, 3.46AM
I wish that everyone can be more filial to your parents. I have realized the trend that this generation, couples do not want to live with their parents. This is because, a new partner joining to a new family, they have to adapt to their new parents. However, I strongly suggest that we should really have a thought for your parents and in-law parents who bring you up, they had showered you with love and money.

Please do not generalize, and for most parts, it seems that you do not understand what is going on. Should a son or daughter fails to be filial for whatever reasons, the first question to ask is, what had happen in the past to warrant such a drastic result?

I am really very pity for those 70 to 80 years old staying alone in their own home. Suffering the loneliness as one partner had already been in heaven. Have you ever thought, they would one day die alone without anyone knowing at all? It will be even horrifying to see them die alone and decompose for about three to ten days, after their neighbour call for the Police for the foul smell coming out the unit? It was a really a saddening case to know, but this is really happening.  Decompose body is horrifying, the smell, the black harden body and all the worms, maggots and flies all over your dead body. Will you be worry if one day it happens to be you? How would you feel?

If something happens to me, then the first thing I would want to do is to reflect on my life, what did i do to cause this to happen in the first place?

Quit whining about the situation, if you want it to change, stop putting BLAME and start helping others reconciled their differences.
Blame does not change the world, love does, forgiveness does.
Guest
Guest
16 Sep 2010, 1.33AM
Well , i think , it is easy to practice filial when we are sufficient ,, it is easy to say that we need to be filial to parent ..... some time ... we are face with the in between situation that we had to feed our kid s and wife....or parent .....i am not trying to said that we do not care for our parent .. when we  had alot will be easy ....but what happen , if we not even can feed ourselves .... maybe , we should get the CPF to release our parent money by monthly ,,, bit b bit ... maybe ,,,.. every month $300 .....that might help
Guest
Guest
5 Oct 2010, 9.04AM

There are some parents who refuse to stay with their children due to firm beliefs that daughters belong to others... what if they have no sons or when the sons are not interested to stay with them?

Also, if grandparents keep wanting more grandchildren even though they already have some are giving their kids a lot more pressure than one can imagine - so what do you expect? Avoidance if the old folks are beyond reason.

nasrulsalman
nasrulsalman
28 Aug 2010, 10.28AM
Yes, I am filial to my parents, but I can't just afford to take cake of one wife, 3 children,2 parents and one schooling brother on my salary! Its not easy being a sole breadwinner when everything is on the rise and that coveted position that pays well is allocated to a foreign talent!
Guest
Guest
16 Sep 2010, 1.24AM
yes, i agreed , every thing here is becoming too expensive, how to support .. support in what sense....why not release the CPF in  installment ... maybe in 20 years , 30 years ..release every month from our parent CPF ... mybe .. $200 to $500 dependng on their CPF amount ... by doing that all our retired will have at lease Pocket Money to themself ..after all CPF Belong to them.... i iam not  sure i am right ... but i think in such we do give our senior an assurrance of pocket money every month and our young children will not be over burden as to support the parent when they do not even had sufficient financially.
Guest
Guest
28 Sep 2010, 2.42PM
filial had to start from the nation , feed our senior citizen, they are our father and mother , they have given their life to bring this nation to today.. why not the nation ,at leas.. give them $300 per month as pocket money... if $300 too Much <.. $200.. If canot maybe $100 or even $50 per month, get the whole nation to agreed with it , that the governmet to allocate at lease some thing for them ,,, if $50 dollar per month is still too much maybe $10 will do .. ... at least show some thing ........ if we at national cannot even give so little to themm.....then ,why talking rubbish ... stop talking ..... show us by example first
Guest
Guest
21 Oct 2010, 11.37PM
I agree!!! Eg. For low-middle income earners of $3K household income per month, they are not eligible for any grants or public assistance fund.  They need to pay the same price as those high income earners whom are also not eligible for any grants or public assistance fund.  Thus, they will be so much poorer of thereafter.
$300 allowance to 1 parent is already 10% of the household income. $300 may seem sufficient or excessive.  But $10/day is definitely not enough for senior citizen transport fee & 3 meals a day!
Imagine if the parent wants to go for a trip!!!  To rejetc is unfilial?  To agree is at the expense of the family who can barely make end meet!!!
Guest
Guest
27 Aug 2010, 9.13AM
Hi to ALL,
Filial don't start by itself, is the last step.

First from the Senior Parent, SHOULD NOT / DO NOT / NEVER comment negative remarks of A Junior Parents to B Junior Parents.
Example : Complaint to his Daughter that his Sister-In-Law......
 
Naturally, daughter will confront her sister-in-law, friction started by Senior Parents.
Sister-in-law got so angry, ignore / ill treat the Senior Parents.

I saw this happened all around me, at least 4~7 cases inclusive my own Senior Parents.
Talk Less, Praise More,.... when they speak negative regards to my Brother-In-law. (BIW)
I question my parent,  BIW totally have no Positive points to be praise?
Your views are so un-balance!!
If I crash with my BIW, how can I shoulder the Senior parents alone?
 
Final all Junior Parents will work out how to take care of Senior in harmony mode.
Filial come last. Bad mouth come first. Most Senior 95% deserved to be abandon of bad / negative / un-balance remarks.

Warn ourselves first when we get old. LOL

Warm Regards

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